got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
