dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
