everyone is single if you try hard enough
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's never too late to be topless.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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