girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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