took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
