So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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