her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
