She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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