it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
