The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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