dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
