I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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