at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
