I just cut my nipple shaving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
