just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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