I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
