lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
