He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need water and some morals
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
