I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
