Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
