Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
