I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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