Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Watching her eat just hurts me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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