Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
