Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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