everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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