I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
