Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
