So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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