And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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