My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
