it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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