Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
