ugly people sure do ruin things
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
