You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm at about main and main street
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
