I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need moral support for this bender
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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