I'll bet she douches with gravy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
