he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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