Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
pray to the hookup gods
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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