is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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