Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
