I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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