a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
