I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
