so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
