My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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