Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
