It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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