i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
