I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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