I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
