Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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