Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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