I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
