i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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