Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
