im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
