i permit you to call me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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