I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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