A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
