Yo dont text me then not text me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
