my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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