What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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