Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
