you have to choose: penises or morals?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
