watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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