i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
